Losing weight AGAIN

I have stayed basically the same weight since Spidey was born almost 5 years. I think I have gained and lost the same 20lbs over and over and over. Even though I say I am going to do it, I have the equipment to do it, I just don't do it. I know what to do. I know what I should eat, but I decide I want that chocolate and Pepsi more then a great body I guess. I just can't seem to stop myself. I eat it all the while thinking how bad it is for me, but I go and stuff more in my damn face. I keep saying I'm gonna do it but don't. Yesterday, I think I might have gotten that little push.

Rach phoned me freaking out because she was at the dr., got weighed, and now he put her on some weight loss drugs. Meridia I believe. She also has very high blood pressure which I think is from the stress of dickhead there. Anyway, she weighs 225lbs. I was there only 3 weeks ago. Now I am down to 219.5. I think I am going to challenge her in my own little way with out her knowing. Her with the Merdia, and me with what I know I should be doing. See who looks better afterwards and is the healthiest. Who keeps it off? It will be my own personal little challenge.

I really like the Body For Life plan. It makes the most sense to me. And I want to have muscles. I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be fit, with muscles. I want people to look at me and say "Holy fuck, stay away from her, she could kick your ass"

It doesn't really make sense trying to lose weight while trying to become pregnant. But I think I can do it to a point. By makin healthier choices, in the end I know it will come off. I need to eat healthy while being pregnant, don't I. Also exercise, it is better for you when you are pregnant to exercise, you are just trying to stay healthy. I think I can do this and I will start today. In the next couple days, I might take some pictures so I know where I started.

I'm getting scared

I am an absolute nut. For a few months Ironman and I have talked about having another baby. So I have been off all birthcontrol for a few months now. I 've been reading website after website on how to increase the chances of having a girl. I've been looking at baby names and clothes and every thing baby related. Now that my period is almost here, I am getting scared. I actually thought i should be here by now, but it was a little behind schedule last month too. I am figuring the reason for that is my body readjusting to not having the hormones anymore. But now I am really starting to freak out. What am I gonna do with 2 kids? Can we afford 2 kids? Is my depression gonna come back full force? All these things are going through my mind and I am just getting scared.

My Birthday

***Your Birthdate: August 3***
You are more than a big ball of energy - you are a big ball of hyper.You are always on the go, but you don't have a type a personality.Instead of channeling your energy into work, you instead go for fun and adventure.Witty and verbal, you can have an interesting conversation with anyone.
Your strength: Your larger than life imagination
Your weakness: You tend to be pretty scattered
Your power color: Lime
Your power symbol: Lightening bolt
Your power month: March
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

Finally, she is getting out!!!!!

My best friend since high school has been with the most controlling asshole pig for the last 9 years. They have 2 kids together and I think she is FINALLY going to get out.
This guy is one of my arch enemies. Twice in the past 9 years, he has not allowed her to talk to me for months on end. He demands her to have sex when he snaps his fingers, expects her to do everything for her. I admit I shouldn't feel sorry for her because she really should have tried to do something for herself sooooo long ago. But in her case it is such a vicous cycle. She saw her mom in that position, her grandma, a few of her aunts, so to her it is just normal. But it is not. That is not what a relationship is. She doesn't have to ask how high when he tells her to jump. When they first got together I used to try to persuade her to leave but it never did any good. So for the last 5 or 6 years, when I've been allowed to talk to her I have just kept my mouth shut.

Well the other day, she told me she finally wants out. She doesn't want her kids in the same vicous cycle. So she is starting to make some plans. How she is gonna leave, when she is gonna leave and how she is gonna get there. That is a big step for her, you see, since she is almost 27, hardly had a job in her life, no drivers liscence. She has no clue at the moment how she is gonna support those kids and herself but she will figure it out. I just hope she has the strength to actually do it. I love her and I will support her in anyway that I can.