KID FREE!!!!!!

Spidey is at the neighbours right now. So I get to sit and relax. Its nice to be kid free sometimes. Our neighbours don't usually let the kids play inside but Spidey is even staying for dinner. That's cool, I get to bum around on the computer till I have to start making dinner for Ironman.

I really love havin these kid free moments. That's what scares me about having another one. Would I ever get free time anymore? And especially if we move to Calgary, we don't know anyone, no family=no FREE babysitter. We have hardly ever gotten a REAL babysitter besides family cause they are so damn expensive.

I also think I am starting to get spoiled as Spidey gets older. He is able to do so many more things for himself and doesn't depend on me as much. Shit, he is even giving himself his own medicine at night now with out us asking sp now he doesn't even fight about it. Nose drops and puffers. It makes me soo proud. He's getting so big. And now that he is less dependant on me and Ironman we get to relax a little bit more. Not a whole lot.

I love babies sooo much, but just don't know if I could go back to that baby stage. Everytime I am around babies now, once they start crying I hand them back to their loving parents. I just don't know if I could handle having a baby that cried all the time again. Especially if we are in Calgary and we don't know anyone that could give us a break. With the way my depression is now I would be scared to know what it would be like then.

Then there is the thought of another c-section. I really don't think I want to go through that again. The memories are still so vivid to me sometimes. And I still feel my scar throbbing after 4 and a half years. The infections I had were crazy and when they cut me open the second time was unbearable. Poor Ironman having to change my bandages from the 5inch by 7 inch open gash in my stomache. For 3 weeks he did that. He cried as much as I did that first time. It hurst soooo fkin bad and he felt so bad for hurting me even though it wasn't his fault. He was great though, I don't know many men who would do what he did for their woman. I love my hubby. He is awesome.